Living Outside the Report Card

It’s June 12th, launch night for the Creative Healing Collective.

The past 6 months as a participant in the PresenTense NYC Fellowship has provided me with some serious perspective on what it takes to turn an idea into a reality. 

I have learned that no vision can come into existence without a team. 

I have learned that visions are not stagnant and that they must continually transform and develop. 

I have learned that time is a necessary ingredient when manifesting a creative endeavor and that no matter how hard you push, sometimes we just have to wait.

I have learned that the most impactful people are the ones who care for themselves before caring for others.

I have learned that fulfillment comes from being authentic.

You see, it seems to me that we tend to live life in parts: love life, work life, hobby life, religious life etc. We dissect our life up into pieces and than we give ourselves ratings: An A for my love life and an F for my work life, a B for my looks and a C for my hobbies etc. As if school weren't enough.. we continue to red-pen-up our lives, a practice that often does more harm than good. 

Ever since my mom died, I have repeatedly given myself F(s) for my career path. It’s been where the hole of grief has stricken the hardest, “Oh, if only my mom hadn’t died, this would not be so hard,” I say to myself. The dreadful could've would've and should'ves overwhelm me, and I am left with heavy feelings - heavy feelings that have impacted my career path significantly in the past 4 years and have caused me to take a real look at myself. Have you ever done that? At first, it was very painful, perhaps because I was not living an authentic life....

And that is what grief does - it takes us out of the arbitrary grading system of life into the bullseye of existence. And we begin to understand that the A, as defined by society, might be different than the A, as defined by ourselves... Before something as life changing as loss happens, many of us would rather get an A from others than an A from ourselves - our focus is on the external blueprint rather than on the internal yellow brick road. And sometimes, when we wake up, we don't even remember what our own A looks like anymore.

In these past 6 months, I have come to realize that The Creative Healing Collective is not about and should not be about filling that lack, that career wound. The Creative Healing Collective is a service that I feel honored to give to people who have been through the transformation of loss. It’s not a job. It’s not a career. It’s an offering. 

How does this offering fit into the various boxes that make up life? It doesn't really. Because things that come from a place of truth, overwhelm superficial measurements of success. Things that come from our hearts do not fit into one category or another because the impact they leave goes above and beyond any box. 

What do you do in your life that energizes you and makes you feel present and connected? What is it that takes you out of the man made mode of measurement and brings you towards the limilitlesness of your capacity to love well and live better?

Because that my friend deserves an A∞